I know I keep asking you all for your help but I really do need it today, thinking caps on everyone and here is your challenge.
Behind the scenes of the daily blog and life I have been working with Steve to produce the calendar. I wasn’t at all in the right mood when Steve first spoke to me about it as I was having a moment when humour had been used throughout my journey with the Cancer Free video etc but there is such a serious side to cancer. Calendars have been done before and I didn’t warm to the idea at all but Steve was determined to do his bit to help me and really was passionate about seeing it through.
Thank goodness that he took this view. Over the past month we have been working with friends and family to produce the calendar. Photos have been flying backwards and forwards, Steve has become the advice centre of all technology and we have been surprised, shocked and admiring of the effort that people have gone to to produce some fantastic photos. I just can’t wait to share all of these with you all.
So where do I need your help? Well it needs a name, the Calendar needs a great name so that it stands out from it’s competitors. It needs to be funny maybe, or a play on words. Things that may inspire you whilst you are thinking is that it contains naked bums, it’s cheeky, it’s of real people with real bodies, no airbrushing and making the bodies look perfect. All monies collected will of course be going to support Beating Bowel Cancer but having the word bowel in the title is probably going to turn people off. We have been bouncing ideas around but just can’t get the right angle but I’m sure you lot will, after all you all came up with ‘Dream Machine and Daisy Den so I have complete faith in you all.
Some names we have played with are: Rear of the Year, Bottoms Up, Dare to Bare, A Round up of the Rear, The Rear Ahead,
Talking of names private messages from some of you just make me smile daily and give me so much encouragement that I have to share two nicknames with you that two of my regular blog readers have given me, the first is Mrs Costa due to the coffee I drink and my favourite is ‘Bean, the Fighting Machine’ The name bean is following the post about whether you are A carrot, An Egg or a Coffee Bean. Rita always calls me her ‘wee cupcake’ amongst other names and I find all of these so endearing but no more please otherwise I’ll just never cope lol.
Now over the weekend I have been emotional to say the least. I’m sorry that I made you all sad. Nicky my best mate from 17 years of age knows me far to well, inside and out. I would say she knows all of my darkest secrets along with my Mr Wonderful but through the blog I have bared all of those too so you are all included in that list of special people. But she has been worried about me as she has only seen me a cry a handful of times throughout the years we have known each other so for me to cry for a whole weekend is just not me at all. Following my suicidal weekend I think she fears that I’m getting depressed. She lives in Peterborough and can’t just pop round to make sure I haven’t hung myself from a doorway, so I assure her that I’m completely fine and not depressed at all. The weekend as been hard for many reasons but I don’t cry for me, I don’t cry for self pity. I cry because after all these years of ‘building a wall’ to protect myself, to not allow myself to cry as I always feared that if I started to cry that I wouldn’t stop. I cry because I can finally feel the pain. The pain of others suffering and grief that losing a loved one brings. I have embraced that it’s okay to cry to show emotion, that it’s not a sign of weakness in me but an inner connection that I have with others who know grief and now I finally think it’s okay, I don’t have to hold back the tears anymore or be strong. I can allow myself to finally miss my sister and my dad (oh shit crying again) and enjoy the pain I feel of losing them as the tears are because I loved them and miss them so much.
Now did you all see Peter Andre on ‘Strictly Come Dancing’? What a mover he is, it’s only week one and he is top of the leader board. I have to confess that I haven’t watched the others dance as it’s a long programe and it’s been a busy weekend but I did watch his dance, fantastic and the judges said he stole the show. Now we all have to support him as he really does care about people. Of all the celebrities I have tweeted, and there have been loads trust me, he and Charlie Boorman where the only ones who were willing to help me by re-tweeting the Cancer Free video. I have been shocked at this as I thought famous people wouldn’t mind helping normal people who where just trying to help others and raise money for charity, but no they can’t be bothered and when I see or read about them now I have a different view of them. I know they are busy etc but really! They come onto our screens into our homes via the TV pretending to care and be genuine but the bottom line is that only two celebrities took the time and effort to even look at my tweet. So I now think the others are just false and full of empty sentiment (I’m not bitter lol).
Talking of twitter I haven’t really used it in weeks, I spent about two weeks tweeting celebrities and hoping for help plus trying to understand the lingo but as I have not had much success I haven’t used it. I always tweet my posts from the blog and I get emails from people who have started to follow me. What a scary thought that people want to follow me lol. I am lost in the world of twittering and can only apologise to you all if I don’t get this whole thing right, I do try honestly but I have never been bilingual and I don’t think I can learn now.
So most of today’s post was written between 2 – 4 am as usual due to me not sleeping but after that I fell asleep again. Steve was on earlies and so I’m not on my own for long before the house wakes up.
Now just after 9 am I receive an email, not just any old email regarding special offers at Staples, as I seem to get one of those daily. I have unsubscribed but it makes no difference they keep coming daily. It was from Beating Bowel Cancer, from Stuart Barber, Campaigns Director, I’ve only been invited to attend Parliament part of the email details:
Your invitation to Beating Bowel Cancer’s Parliamentary Reception on Wednesday 27 January 2016, 4pm – 6pm in the Terrace Pavilion, House of Commons.
I have great pleasure in inviting you to Beating Bowel Cancer’s Parliamentary Reception, kindly hosted by John Baron MP. This event will take place on Wednesday 27 January 2016 between 4 – 6pm in the Terrace Pavilion, House of Commons.
As in previous year’s, we hope to secure a Government Minister and a bowel cancer patient to be our speakers at the event.
Improving bowel cancer outcomes is everyone’s responsibility and at Beating Bowel Cancer, we are determined to play our part in ensuring a sustained focus on improving outcomes for patients with bowel cancer. This annual event is an opportunity for politicians to meet charity representatives, patients and clinicians and find out about the issues of concern relevant to bowel cancer patients. As well as MPs and Peers from all the main political parties, the event will be attended by bowel cancer patients, supporters of the charity, healthcare professionals and key opinion leaders.
I of course reply that I would be honoured to attend however I wouldn’t be able to go without assistance and they replied that I can take My Mr Wonderful with me as who knows what state my health will be in by January. How cool is all that then hey?
Steve and I have been active politically for years and have attended lunch and functions at Parliament before. I am honoured but not fazed by attending at all. I am not shy in my views and concerns and relish the chance to speak to Government leaders about cancer and how it feels to be one of their statistics and how much of our system seems to be just so wrong, equal screening will just be the start. So I will do my research and ensure that I get the most out of the day and it’s not just a nice chat the ministers think they will be having with sufferers. Anyone who has worked with me will know that I’m good at giving feedback LOL.
The afternoon was spent taking Rebecca to her results appointment following her recent health issues. Now the details of that aren’t important but what is important is that I was only out of the house for 3 hours due to Rebecca’s appointment being at 2.30 pm and we weren’t called through until 4.45 pm for a 5 minute chat! After waiting for so long and being in pain I return home and hit the morphine. I worry now about conference. I just wanted to cry by the time we got home. Can I not do anything but sit, I’m so sick of pain and not being able to do normal things. When I do try to get out I am in terrible pain for hours. All this makes me so sad. I just want to be normal. Once the acute pain starts there is no controlling it apart from with morphine and just waiting it out. Poor Steve is always concerned about me over doing anything as he see’s the pain and torment I suffer afterwards. I am however going to conference as BFF (until she hit’s the bar lol) and Rita will be there for me and I just hope that I can cope and I don’t upset them too much if I get into trouble with pain.
Talking of Rita here as always are the photos of the candles burnt in church yesterday for my prayer list. I also received a wonderful message from Karen Staves who lit candles for me in her local church back in KIngswinford, my home town. Thank you both very very much. Your candles and prayers are appreciated so much.
I was just about to close today’s post and my mobile rang. It was Guy my ex boss who left the BHS family just 5 weeks ago. Who’s son has been very ill and he has been on Rita’s prayer list. We did say that we would keep in touch but with all the worry of his son we haven’t spoken for a few weeks. It was lovely to hear from him and Rita I can report that your prayers have worked again and his son is recovering well He like Steve tells me off for doing too much and to look after myself more but by the end of the conversation he, like Steve gets the comfort I get from doing my blog and to continue to work, to contribute to BHS who have supported me so much. Guy can’t believe that just a few weeks ago I was able to meet him in High Wycombe and now I am relying on a wheelchair to get about. I confirm that this is sadly true but I’m not going down without a fight and the blog is my way of fighting as is the fund raising.
So that was my day, a mixed bag of pleasure and pain but as one of my favourite saying goes ‘it will be alright in the end and if it’s not alright then it’s not the end’.
I was just again about to finish today’s post when 2 more emails have come in £100 from the big man himself Juddy who raised £100 at Gatwick Airport selling cup cakes for me and the balance from Countess Juddy (his wife) of £310, she changed their planned Macmillan fund raising day to Beating Bowel Cancer. The grand total now stands at £3715.46 and that’s without our fundraising from Saturday (over £600) the remaining money to come in from BHS Kingston, BHS Chichester, estimated £173 from the wonderful Rita plus her team and plus Mr Grumpy Bum has been at it in BHS Uxbridge too. I am just so so so so happy and thrilled with all of your support, thank you all so so so so much xxx Plus final good news is that the blog has been visited now by 62,304 people isn’t that all just so amazing? And I thought no one would be interested lol xxx