Yesterday’s post went up and I was pleased that you all liked the name ‘Daisy Den,’ thanks Paulette for the suggestion. I am intending to pick lots of daisies in there to see me through the dark cold English winter and my daily battle with cancer and the treatment side effects. How can anyone be down if they are surrounded by girlie soft furnishings, love and daisies?
Now in our house I am the impatient one normally, it’s me who drives things to be done as soon as possible but now it’s Steve who has taken on this role and ‘Daisy Den’ planning has already brought sunshine to our lives. He has even downloaded the video on how to build it. This has to be his job as they wanted an extra £500 to assemble it and Steve is more than capable, I may however have to rope my son Richard into helping over a weekend but he doesn’t read my blog so it will be a nice surprise for him. Why doesn’t he read my blog I hear you saying, he says it makes him too sad. We all have to deal with this disease in our own way hey.
So as I had to get on with my project work today, mom did tea for us, Shepherds Pie which was lovely. My mom and I only ever argue over one thing, well if I’m honest we are chalk and cheese and could argue over everything lol but the one thing we do disagree on is potatoes! Why? I hear you saying again, we just cook these poor defenseless root vegetables very differently and it’s ‘potato wars’ at most meals. Now all I said whilst enjoying the meal was ‘did you actually use the potato masher or did you just wave it across the top and show the potatoes the implement?’ I may have also said that like the Titanic I kept coming across iceberg shaped lumps of potato. My mom tells me to just mash them down with my fork. Now I may just of made just a few more comments whilst Steve and Rebecca eat trying not to get involved. Now at some point I just happened to look at my mom and her face was telling me that I was about to be wearing my mashed potato any minute, whoops she looked both sad and hurt.
My mom is over 70, she comes down every week, she does all my ironing, she washes, she cooks meals, she does the housework, she goes shopping for me, she walks Molly for me and even yesterday with the non stop rain she took Molly out for her daily exercise. Now she does all of this through love and wouldn’t change it but on top of that she has the worry as we all do of the cancer, the treatment, the side effects, the daily ‘will this new chemo work’ worry on top of everything else. So mom I’m not sorry for insulting your mashed potato and we will always continue to be the way we are but I do forget to appreciate everything you do for us and I do love and appreciate you, honestly I do but in future let Steve do the mash please LOL.
I had a phone call yesterday evening from Gemma, she works for the Ian Rennie Charity who are looking after my palliative care and working with me and my doctors to control my pain. This wonderful service that they provide should be provided by the NHS but don’t even get me started on that or the nurse funded Macmillan charity. Anyway she wants me to be a case study for their website and for press releases. We had a lovely chat and I did warn her that I was outspoken but she had already been warned lol. She has started reading my blog and is coming to see me on Friday morning, how fabulous is that? I am honoured that they want to do this, that my story may just help others which is what this is all about. To educate others, to stop people dying of this disease, the sad stories of young people being misdiagnosed always break my heart as it’s not right. Anyway I’ll let you know how that goes and of course she will have to have her photo taken in the famous chemo gazebo.
In other wonderful news I have to thank Mary, Anne and the team at my local BHS store as on Saturday they are fund raising for me and so on Saturday morning I’ll be delivering them one of my Lemon Drizzle cakes to support them. I’ll have to do two cakes cos Steve won’t be able to cope if there is no cake for him. If you are out and about in Wycombe on Saturday go see them and say hello to the Wycombe BHS team, thanks girls and boys it’s appreciated so much.
Thank you also to Paula, Ray, Ian, Andrew, Trevor, Paula’s mom and dad and Ian who are all joining us on the 26th September for the big awareness and fund raising day for the Beating Bowel Cancer charity in the Eden Centre in High Wycombe. Sex Kitten and BFF Leanne will also be joining us. The Ian Rennie nurses too. Ian is organising a rota (you can tell he is a political agent and used to organising a campaign). Anyway if you are about on the 26th too please come and say hello. I’ll be the one in the wheelchair whilst BFF pushes me around in practice for the conference, she will love this as she will finally have control over me haha.
Well that’s 3 1/2 hours sleep then, better than yesterday. I awake at 4.50 am with pain again. I can’t take drugs until 6 am so once the routine of feeding the animals, 1/2 biscuit and a fag is done I arm myself with Linda’s hot water bottle and sit it out until 6 am. Now just back to the animals, well my animals why is it that Tia (the ungrateful rescued cat) likes dog food and Molly likes cat food? Or is it that animals are like us humans in that we always want what we can’t have? Food for thought, excuse the pun.
This morning the pain just got too much for me again and so I hit the morphine. I slept for two hours which was lovely (a break from myself and from pain) I woke up to two wonderful things. Lorraine sent me a Pjams set which is lovely and I’ll be wearing them tonight, I’ll look very posh, thank you so much Lorraine. I have received a £50 donation from the Lib Dem group on Bucks County Council and they left Steve a lovely message too so thank you to Avril, Raj Ditta, Steve. The grand total of fund raising is now at £2655 which is just fantastic, thank you to everyone who has contributed to this.
Steve is as ever concerned about my pain, we know we have to give the new regime a chance but the constant pain is so hard to put up with. He gives me 800 mg of Ibuprofen and this on top of the morphine finally takes the pain down to a dull roar however I now have lost the ability to use my right leg. I walk dragging it along behind the rest of my body, it’s like it’s gone to sleep and just won’t work. Some days you just can’t win hey. We fix one pain and another pops up, I’m beginning to think that my body doesn’t like me very much.
I then get a text from Emma (from my BHS Kingston Family) she is popping in to see me today Emma came and spent a lovely few hours with me, it was so lovely to see her again, oh how I miss her, my team, my life and the fun we all used to have. I have shown Emma all of my soft furnishings for the ‘Daisy Den’ and she definitely approves, praise indeed. She has been challenged to join in with the bum photo calendar with the my BHS family in Kingston so watch out guys cos on Monday Emma will be sharing my vision with you and looking for recruits. Emma left and I collapsed into a 2 hour sleep and I’ve only just woke up but it was lovely to escape from me again for an hour or so.
I have to share this with you. Karen tagged me in this on Facebook and it articulates beautifully how I think I look at life and I believe we should all look at life, don’t be a victim. Anyway have a read and ask yourself are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.
She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled out the coffee beans and placed them in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see. ‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardboiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ‘What does it
mean, Mother?’ Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting in the boiling
water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. ‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, breakup, financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
#Squirrelgate – there has been no sightings in two days which is just probably down to the weather and the fact that I wasn’t able to get outside. Maybe the mighty erection and building works that will be happening over the next few weeks will scare the squirrel away, I do hope not as I will get evidence of the ball nicking pest yet.