Now don’t all panic at that title as I will explain it all to you but you will be both pleased and then I hope as angry and mad as I am when it comes to that part.
So behind the sceens what has been happening to me, well sadly as it’s ‘warts and all’ my bowels have just stopped working, I can’t taste food and I have just been coping on food that I can taste like lemon tart and ice cream, funny how I can taste ice cream. It’s not actually the taste but following the awful mouth thrush to have smooth cold food going down is lovely so lovely. Mushroom soup is okay but my diet lacks protein, roughage etc. So my stomach starts to bloat and the pressure on the tumours gets worse and then the pain starts and round and round we go. I take laxatives throughout the day but nothing, not even wind. So on Friday night I tell Steve to go to bed and that I will have to do another self help enema, oh the joy of life hey, the glamour of bowel cancer. So that all done and there was nothing to shout about I can tell you, only one flush needed is all I’m saying. I go back to my dream machine as I hope that maybe there is more to come. I drifted off to slept in the chair and wake at 3.15.
Oh no I forgot to take my last tablets and now I don’t know what to do. So I decide it’s too late to take them. From 3.15 until Steve wakes at 8 am I had another night from hell. I took oral morphine, nothing took the pain away, an hour later and I take more hoping for sleep and pain relief but only a slight relief comes from that. I sit and cry alone in my chair in so much pain. I know what I need the answer is outside the back door but I can’t risk going in my tub. I can’t get the PICC line protector on without Steve to help me. If I fell or anything as I’m bent double in pain Steve would kill me and so I just have to sit and wait, I watch the kitchen clock tick by slowly, I sit alone crying and just waiting for someone to wake up. As soon as Steve is awake and had his first coffee I ask him the get the cover on and I’m straight in the hot tub, release from pain at last and I enjoy 20 minutes of pain relief without any drugs, that’s how much my hot tub means to me. Now it’s worth at this point to thank you all for your suggestions on a name for the hot tub has been decided and it was suggested from my very dear friend Tammy who came up with ‘Love Tub’ just perfect as it will bring me and my loved ones closers, I can lie in the water and cuddle with Steve which as you all know is impossible out of the water, so thank you all so much for your suggestions but ‘Love Tub’ it is.
Now the other day I had a bit of a wobble as I was worried what people would think about all the publicity I am entering into and, going to Parliament in January, having a hot tub and some money to spend due to cashing in my pension and I then had this wonderful message and I read it and cried as it really touched me so here is what I was sent:
OMG Wendy there must be hundreds (maybe thousands) of people whooping, clapping, smiling, tearing up seeing the arrival of the bubbly wubbly – and who decided on the Space Odyssey theme tune? It was a stroke of genius. What an absolute crowd pleaser.
I don’t believe for one second that anyone who reads your blog would think you are flash. I think we are all whooping and hollering together because we’ve all been looking forward to seeing the lovely things arriving.
I have a theory that your mum didn’t want to go home because she wanted to be first in the hot tub! 😉 and
I was half expecting to log in tonight to see you, Steve, Rebecca, the delivery men, Molly, Tia the ungrateful cat, a representative from BHS and the squirrel in there.
Your Dr Who interaction sounds like a morphine dream. In morphine dreams there’s no anxiety about turning up at work naked. You just think, “Oh! I’m naked! Well isn’t everybody else in the office lucky?” ha ha.
I’ve had a bad experience with Dr Who. The dullest party I ever went to was at a girl called Claire’s house (whose family was very ‘eccentric’ and ever so ever so. All I remember about it was having to sit in the lounge and endure Dr Who for what seemed like FOREVER. I thought it was never going to end.
Your blog is a triumph mrs. You are definitely achieving your objective of raising awareness. You know you were dead excited when Peter Andre retweeted?, well I felt the same when you replied to my very first comment. I think the interaction you have with everyone is the secret to it’s success. Your blog is a virtual version of a friend opening their front door with a big smile on their face and saying come on in, I’m just putting the kettle on.
I am so pleased you had a cuddle with your Mr Wonderful. You’re my favourite couple ever x
How lovely is that?
Okay so do you remember the post the other day where I woke in a drug like state and I thought I was with Dr Who and we were off fighting cancer together in the Tardis? Well it’s happened again but this time it’s so much more embarrassing but ‘warts and all’ here we go.
So I woke this morning and I can’t find my dressing gown so I put on Steve’s lumber like jacket, I go to go for a wee and I remember that Fern Britton has told me that I must do a wee test so I grab a glass from the kitchen and sit on the stairs to do a wee test but the glass is to small so I open the front door throw the wee in the bush and then start again weeing on the stairs. Job done I can’t find the coffee machine so I get a hot chocolate (the two machines are next to each other), go to my dream machine and have a fag. I’m sitting quiet and reality starts to wash over me. OMG I thought I’m dressed in Steve’s lumber style jacket drinking a hot chocolate! Oh no I thought, if I go round the corner of the kitchen and there is a glass of wee on the side it’s not a dream. So I stand and walk around the corner and there it is on the side, the glass of wee. Now I’m scared as I didn’t have any control or knowledge of what I was doing, I thought that it was a dream. Rebecca wakes up and asks why the stairs are wet. So I told her and she laughed, I told Steve and he laughed too as did my mom however I’m worried. What if I dream something dangerous and hurt someone? I have no control over these dreams/sleep walking at all. So not my normal routine at all as I’m sure you will all agree!
So now for the Wild bit of the post. Yesterday I was at the hospital all afternoon due to blood tests ahead of chemo on Monday and a 4 pm appointment with Dr Weaver as a general ‘how are you doing’ chat. We have as we thought the good news that from the MRI scan the cancer has not gone into my bones. The KRASS test has been returned and I have the ‘Wild’ type which means that it is hereditary and it wouldn’t have matter if I’d have eaten healthy all my life or lived off junk food i was born with it. This is excellent news as I can now be put forward to go onto a drug called Cetuximab which when given with the chemo I’m on can give me an extra 30% more time, wow. Dr Weaver fills out the request form for funding. He then tells us that the funding for this drug is being withdrawn from the 4th November this year and so by a matter of weeks I will have just made it. I can’t believe this, why would the Government pull the funding for a drug that works??? So I ask Dr Weaver what about the people behind me in the queue of treatment, what have you got to give them? And his reply was ‘Nothing’! Now I’m really wild, mad, anger, sad and since that conversation I have cried for all the people that will potentially miss out on maybe an extra year with their loved ones due to Government cuts in cancer treatment. Wasn’t it less than a month since the Government did this big announcement about wanting to become world leaders in identifying cancer? Yes it did but what it didn’t say is that if you have got it, they have pulled up the ladder and treatment will not be available that works! Now I’m wild wild wild and when I go to Parliament in January they had better be ready for me cos I am disgusted with this Government and the decisions they are making that effects ‘joe public’ just to save money.
Okay rant over and now for the update on ‘Bostin Bums’ and who is next in the calendar. Oh and thank you all for your messages about the ‘Big Reveal’ yesterday, the outpouring of praise for my Mr Wonderful and the respect you all have given, and rightly so to my BHS Family for the massive support they have and are giving to me.
Wow that looks just like my front room! and it also looks very much like my daughters bottom! It’s March and cold winter nights so most kids would be playing on the game consoles so that was what we were aiming for here. A massive thank you to Rebecca your ‘Miss March’ who did this to support us.
Well that looks like my garden and my Mr Wonderful who said that if we were asking others it’s only fair that he does a shot. So I’m proud to annouce your ‘Mr April’ hence the April showers.
Two more to follow again tomorrow. Now it’s Strickly Come Dancing tonight so come on Peter, lets see you back on top of that leader board please!
And finally for my prayer list for tomorrow Rita is for Karen, Frankie and my loved ones as normal. For all the people who support anyone going through long term illness.
Family time here this weekend with Richard and Louise home plus Chris came down to see his Dad with his girlfriend Bethan. So catch you all tomorrow.