Where on earth do I even start? Well as normal where I left off on Tuesday night and so much has happened since then but all will be revealed. This maybe a long post so tea/coffee/wine, biscuits/chocolates will be required.
Curfew time on Tuesday night and Rebecca chooses to play the Music Quiz game, Steve always wins at this and so he isn’t allowed to play his joker and I win by just one point. Of all the games we play I don’t ever win and I think they feel sorry for me but I don’t care as it’s sharing the moments and laughter that counts, not winning. Steve and I have planned to sleep in the chemo gazebo! Now you might think this strange but it’s all about picking daisies whilst you can. So Steve arranges the gazebo furniture and uses 3 dining room chairs to add length as he is 6’3″, he gets the duvet from our bed plus two hot water bottles for extra warmth. I’m in my nightie fluffy socks, dressing gown with slippers and rocking the 80 year old granny look. Steve lights candles and we spend the night together under the stars picking daisies.
So with my big day planned I head off for blood tests early ahead of chemo day on Friday. The deli style cheese counter waiting area only has 4 people waiting but I am fast tracked anyway. I return to my car with the customary plaster ( I like a plaster) and for only 8 minutes of parking I’m charged £1.50! Now I’m not angry at this for me but I think of the elderly and people on benefits who have to go through this disease with money troubles too and it makes me angry. How can they possibly justify £1.50 for 8 minutes of parking!
I return home and have two separate rests/sleeps in the quiet chemo gazebo as I have a big day ahead of me. Showered and getting ready to go I decide to wear a my new gilet that I brought whilst shopping with Leanne as I’m hoping it will make people laugh as I can make sheep noises all day and invite people to stroke me. I take the first lot of painkillers and sleep again on the train into Marylebone.
I arrive at BHS head office and I’m greeted by Leanne and James who have already got the coffees ready for me to take into Mr Moore. Now so many of the BHS head office family read my blog so the people with the fake names are aware of who they are but today for those of you who don’t know them, all will be revealed. First stop is Mr Moore with his very untidy desk, shameful LOL but at least it makes him look very busy, which of course he is 😉
Leanne then takes me to I think the 8th floor to Mr Muscles office, with my coffee of course. Now I spent an hour with him and Leanne just talking. I’ve always been a massive fan of Mr Muscles, he adds passion to his work, he truly cares about people and I haven’t seen him for so long. I’m honoured that he and the rest of you read my blog and I can share this journey with you all. It was a precious hour of catching up and dwelling on life and how we all have plans and dreams but think we have all the time in the world to make those dreams come true. But for some of us life will be cut short and so picking daisies, whatever that means to you should not be put off. Thanks Mr Muscles for the time you took out of your busy day for me.
Then Leanne and I went to ‘Retail Operations’ the hub of communication for BHS where I caught up with my ex boss (I have lots of ex bosses) Chris Eaton, a quick hello and a kiss was all we could grab together as he was too busy but it was lovely to see him anyway. Leanne and I decide a quick fag is needed before I go to visit HR. So we are outside and you will never guess who comes outside? Only Mr Bottom, the man himself, the now CEO of BHS. He walks towards us and says “hello, how are you?” I couldn’t resist my reply “I’m terminal, how are you”? This made us all laugh, well smile as it was funny. I do love it when people say ‘how are you’ and ‘wow you look well.’ How do I answer? So I go for humour every time and hope it does the trick.
HR hello’s done and Mrs HRH is on holiday but I did see Amanda and Carolyn, I missed Arlene, sorry Arlene maybe next time if you are around. Then we go to collect the ‘Sex Kitten’ herself and head of for coffee and cake. ‘Sex Kitten’ treats me and Leanne to more coffee and cake, thank you and another precious hour is spent together putting the world to rights, thanks ‘Sex Kitten’. She has recently lost 10 stone by will power and I’m so impressed. She looks amazing but then she always did to me and those who see the person inside and not judge the person for their size. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Mr Moore joins us briefly for a drink before the lovely Leanne brings her car to pick me up from Marylebone to save me walking back to HO. Now yesterday was the tube strike in London from 6.30 and everyone was in their cars. It took Leanne and I an hour and a half to get back to her flat. I don’t really care as we spend the time chatting and catching up with life but it does now mean that we are running late for our evening meal planned with her friends. We eventually make it to her flat, a quick hello to Jurgita and more painkillers to see me through the evening. I’m feeling fine and I have energy too so I’m loving life :-).
So the evening meal was planned last week as Leanne’s friends all read my blog and wanted to meet me, wow that’s a real compliment and I wanted to meet Leanne’s friends too. We all talk about people we know in our life’s to other friends, so it’s nice to put faces to names. There was one lady missing, Suzy who couldn’t make it so its an excuse to do it all again when she is back from her holiday. Rita picks up Leanne and I from Leanne’s flat and her car is very posh, leather everything and it’s so polished that you slide about without any control as you go round bends. It’s not a car you could have sex in as you would be sliding every where trying to hang on for traction, lol. We arrive at the pub, quick fag and then in for our meal. Leanne’s other friends join us one by one and it’s like I’ve always known them, they make me feel so at ease and are fabulous company. We talk and talk over our meal, I talk too much and don’t finish mine as the food is now cold and so we head outside for a fag. More drinks ordered and we find a large gazebo to sit under, it’s been raining and most chairs were wet but we found some dry ones and sat and chatted under the lights of a very large gazebo that is far grander than mine at home.
We spent the evening laughing and exchanging life stories that are hilarious, the rest of the pub must have thought us crazy as shrieks and howls of laughter could be heard every few minutes. I could write a book on the material alone shared last night. The memories of Mr Pinky and Mr Cunnilingus makes me smile every time, don’t worry girls your secrets are safe with me. Amazing friends Leanne and what a blast we all had. Steve came as planned to pick me up and Leanne teased him about the previous night spent under the gazebo 😉 Steve isn’t shocked anymore at my openness and just copes with the laughter from us all as I had shared the details of us picking daisies with them. All too soon we had to leave as Steve knows that whilst I am having a ball I will suffer later or the next day. Thanks Leanne for treating me to my meal, for sharing your lovely friends with me and making my day special. Suzy hurry home so I can meet you and we can do it all again.
As we drive home we go past sign posts for Kingston, this makes me sad as I’m so near to my BHS family and yet so far away. I had received in the post this morning my wage slip and a copy of the monthly newsletter where my blog has been promoted. Thank you Mary Poppins. I miss them all so much and during my conversation with Mr Muscles I can’t help but always cry when I talk about the team in Kingston and of course the support and love that I have received from the wider BHS family. I also struggle with saying thank you to them for continuing to pay me whilst my sick pay ran out months ago. I still work but no where near the hours I used to do. So many people have to cope with this disease and financial hardships, I’m truly blessed.
So back home and the pain starts, backache and the tumour in my groin is really not happy. Richard comes to say hello and although I try very hard to keep my pain from my loved ones I can’t now and ask for painkillers. Now I hate taking any tablets so for me to ask for them is rare and Steve knows I’m in real pain. ‘She’s broken you again hasn’t she?” referring to Leanne as she always breaks me but I had such a lovely day the pain is worth it. My stomach has turned into a bouncy castle again and then the endless trips to the loo start, oh my poor bum. But living life is much better even though I struggle to keep the pain and discomfort I’m in hidden from others I’d rather be with people sharing moments than hiding away from the world.
I wait for the pain to go before I head off to bed, and I sleep for 6 hours, wow now that’s good for me. Pain is under control and thoughts of tomorrow and chemo is on my mind. Cycle 4 starts tomorrow and the two weeks of side effects which I dread. It’s my only hope of slowing up the cancer growth so I have no choice but to go in and be brave. Karen might come in to sit with me, Frankie will be there too and all the others I meet there in the Sunrise Ward of Wycombe hospital. I have received the CT scan date which is 11th August and on 21st August at 15.40 pm we will be faced with the biggest meeting so far and the results of whether the chemo is working or not and how that with affect how much longer I have left.
Now just going back to my blog and in particular 50 Shades of Chemo, when I ask if people have read it I either get yes and it’s great or I don’t know where it is on the site. For those of you who read my ramblings on your mobiles you won’t see the side bar menu of comments, post names, about me and of course ’50 Shades of Chemo’ so here is the link for all you mobile readers but not for mom’s, and children as you lot are not allowed haha.
I have set up a ‘Just Giving’ page to help raise money for Beating Bowel Cancer. I have set my target at £1000 and I have set the amount at a suggestion of £1 as I think people get charitied out. For those who want to help and donate more than £1 this amount can be altered. You just have to text 70070 with the code WGUY99 and whatever you decide to donate goes straight to the charity. This blog was never about anything other than helping others and via this route we can all play a small part in supporting a great charity. Thank you in advance if you decide to donate. Hayley Wright was the first to donate so thank you Hayley it’s appreciated so much. Hayley was a member of the BHS family in Staines and her mom, Alison still works there. Thank you again.
OK so Leanne has broken me so much that I’ve just woke up from 3 hours of sleep in the chemo gazebo, the rain woke me briefly but I was so washed out that I continued to sleep through it with rain dripping on my head. Happy birthday to Mary Poppins and Karen is okay following her chemo starting on Tuesday.
The dreaded chemo cycle 4 is getting ever closer so bear with me tomorrow as I may not be able to type a long post depending on the side effects but I’ll be here for you all x