Now today is going to be a challenging and long day for me. I have to present at a business meeting, this will be a pleasure as it will be with my BHS family peer group and unlike our last meeting I hope that some may have read my blog. I’m hoping they now I’m stage 4 now and therefore I wont get the comments I did before of ‘oh you will be fine, your young, you can beat this’. So I’m glad that the pressure will be off. I just hope that I can make it through it without fatigue kicking in and if it does then I’ll just have to leave them to it with the notes I’ve prepared and hope for the best. I’m not planning a ‘Death by Powerpoint’ session as I know that’s what there morning may have been like.
So then after the meeting it is back home with Mr Grey and Leanne BFF to construct ’50 shades of chemo’! OMG what have I done! I hope that this will be posted up for you on Friday at some point and then we can just all wish you a happy weekend and endure the faith of our Mothers!!!
Now for today’s ramblings I thought about sharing a true story with you about my first experience of potentially having cancer, so here goes…..
I was working for Debenhams in Telford at the time. I had been for my routine smear test and as previously never thought about it after I’d left the room as they always came back normal. Out of the blue I received a telephone call from the doctors at work to say that I need to see my Doctor urgently about my results.
I had no idea what this all meant and was scared. Appointment made I was told that smear tests were graded 1-3, these show potentially pre cancerous cells. That mine had gone from normal, normal, normal straight to grade 3! An appointment was made for me to have my pre cancerous cells burnt off, lovey I thought.
At Wordsley hospital I was taken into a room wearing the ‘gown of shame’ I was placed into a chair and my legs flopped into stirrups. The room was quiet dark and full of nurses and a man who from memory looked like a welder! The chair was lifted for him to get maximum sight into what he was about to burn off. I just remember feeling so undignified by it all. This man who I didn’t know had a blow torch and a light so bright that Blackpool High Street would be envious. I tried to lie there to be still and be good, not to make a fuss. They had to do what they were doing to me and I just had to cope with it.
There was a nurse talking to me to try and keep me calm. The burning smell of what was happening filled the room and with the smell of burning flesh came the feelings of sickness and wanting to pass out. It was at this low moment when the nurse desperately trying to keep me conscience asked me the most stupid question ever, I couldn’t believe it when she said “are you going anywhere nice on your holidays this year’ Unbelievable hey! Now in the hairdressers a normal question but whilst having your fanny burnt was not the time for comparing all inclusive deals! Her attempt to keep me from fainting failed and I was placed on the ward to recover from the ordeal.
After laughing at this story with the Juddys on Sunday I did think that one day I would share with you the story of the burning fanny and as 50 shades of chemo is under construction I thought today maybe the right day for it.
The point is that although unpleasant an experience it was we do at least have smear tests. They are not pleasant at all girls but when called for a smear test always go, don’t put it off, don’t think it’s not important or that you don’t need one as it may just have saved my life back then. There is no screening for bowel cancer and until there is then more will continue to die from not being diagnosed early enough.
We all moan about elements of our NHS but really! In comparison we are so lucky compared to the rest of the world where you either have to pay for treatments and check up’s or you just cant get medical help. I have always had clear smear tests since then. So that’s my tit’s, fanny and feet that are actually okay the list is growing! I have another cancer encounter to share with you but I’ll save that for another day’s post.
Last night I received a text from Karen that her treatment went okay. She is feeling sick and all the usual side effects of chemo but she is at home and okay for now. I’ll keep you posted on her progress. With you all the way chemo bud xx
Had a call from Karen this morning. We had a lovely chat and she is doing well on this chemo. Long may it continue. Planning to meet up maybe next week so that I can pass on Rita’s prayer card. Rita wants to turn us both into nuns over the next 12 months. Good luck with that Rita LOL.
Before I leave you for my meeting and fun evening I wanted to share this with you all. Most days our friends and family put messages and poems up on Facebook to inspire us, make us think about life or challenge our behaviors. I was given this poem years ago and I laminated it so that I could keep it safe.
If you have seen it before then I’m sorry but if you haven’t then just enjoy it and take it’s meaning to heart, as life can be too short.
If I Had My Life Over – I’d Pick More Daisies
If I had my life to live over, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax, I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I’m one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.
By Nadine Stair