The trouble with men is……

Now with the constant battle of the sexes, us women could write a whole book alone on the trouble with men but I’ll come back to that. Firstly I have to talk about Father’s Day. Now both Steve and I like many others sadly have lost our Dad’s. So on Father’s Day it’s a day of celebration for dad’s but privately we mourn for our own. This would also apply to those who have lost their moms on Mothers Day. Posts on Facebook of happy families all saying that they have the best dad in the world are lovely and both sad to see.

Steve has had the best Father’s Day present, ever. His daughter Lauren who only passed her test a few weeks ago drove down to see him to deliver her card and present in person. Lauren and Chris both live in the Midlands (100 miles away from Wycombe) and so the frequency of visits with busy lives have not been as often as we would like. Over the past two years Steve has gone to them for visits and family days out. So for Lauren to be here under her own steam just means so much to him, and to me.

Lauren in her car, on our drive! OMG :-)
Lauren in her car, on our drive! OMG :-)

Whilst lamb was slowly roasting in the oven (Lauren’s favourite) we all went out to walk Molly. I need to talk to Lauren about what was going on with the cancer as she needs the truth and a walk in beautiful countryside. I hope being with Molly will help detract from the seriousness of the topic . As we walked and talked, the tears fell from Lauren’s eyes, she was trying to be so brave. I had brought a tissue just in case and quietly just pass it to her and carry on with the details. I was as ever just going through the facts as if I was talking about someone else, as that’s how it feels sometimes. I then said to her without being able to hold back the tears, “It just means so much to your dad that you are here today. I have told you many times that your dad needs you. I have so many people supporting me but who asks your dad how he is? Your dad is so strong for me and has not cried, but he needs you.” Then we were both crying. Steve came and gave me a hug. I quickly composed myself and we continue to walk Molly. It was just so lovely enjoying the sunshine and seeing Lauren in my world, in her dad’s world. It reminds me of my post about  ‘The meaning of life’. Sharing is what makes us complete.

The trouble with men is…… So back to the subject of today’s post. Friday’s news of baby Harry was not good. I’m outside quiet, crying at some of the messages of support and love that are coming through. Steve went straight back to work as soon as we returned from the hospital. He then played yet another game of bloody Scrabble with my mom and then starts singing the Lego movie song, if you haven’t seen the film this will mean nothing to you but the lines are ‘Everything is awesome, everything is awesome when your part of a team’. I start to worry again about him and how he is dealing with it.

I wait until mom and Rebecca have gone to bed. I try to talk to him, to understand how he is coping. He said that he doesn’t know how to handle it. That he just can’t even contemplate me not surviving. I had noticed recently that Steve had been snappy with me occasionally. Steve said that he was angry, that I was young and that it shouldn’t be happening to me. He said that he was aware that he had been snapping at people. He just tries to focus on me and my needs. That just because he doesn’t cry it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel it but he just tries to be strong for me. I know all of this but I did take the opportunity to say that it was hard for me sometimes when he plays Scrabble and sings ‘Everything is Awesome.’ He agrees that this was probably not the best song LOL. I have asked him a few times to consider writing my my blog for me to help other men out there, he is still thinking about doing this for me.

And that right there is the trouble with men! They try to be strong, they feel they should protect us at all costs, they become trapped in this world of how supportive and strong they should be. That’s what is expected of them. Now this is where us women win in the battle of the sexes. We can talk to each other, I mean really talk about feeling. Men talk in facts, if you ask Steve how he is, he will reply “I’m fine thanks” if you probe any deeper you may get “oh well, you know it’s a bit shit,” but you won’t get how he feels. He is not ready to let it out or to let anyone in either. My mom is the same (OMG my mom is a man!) When Steve researches about Harry it’s all facts and figures, information only and blogs are normally from women. I want to help men too and that’s why I have asked him to post on here about how he feels, but we may all have to wait for that.

So I think it’s power to the girlies on this one, we win as we can talk about facts but also really talk about feelings and we don’t consider it a sign of weakness talking or crying about how we feel. I’m glad of my friends and their love and support, thank you girls and thanks to my special step daughter who today cried for me, cried cos she cared and made her dad the happiest I have since him since Christmas. Lauren you have no idea of the power of love us parents have for our children, the immense love that your dad has for you and the joy you brought to him and me today, thank you.

A kiss from Lauren for her Dad, The best Father's Day present in the world
A kiss from Lauren for her Dad, The best Father’s Day present in the world

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Wend

Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

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