The Eve of Conference

I’m at home faced with the job of packing, now normally I would have treated myself to something new to wear. There is something about buying a new outfit that just makes you feel special, it’s a treat to yourself I think. Most men don’t understand this primal urge in us girlies but although we all have enough clothes and shoes to dress a small village in a 3rd World country, we do always say ‘I’ve got nothing to wear’ when faced with any event to attend, or is that just me? I select a few outfits for the conference day, well 4 to choose from should be enough and then for the evening do I have got a dress with sleeves that will disguise my PICC line. So for those who know me for me to not go shopping  to attend conference is massive and an indication of how I have just not really been coping with the pain. I just can’t face the shops, crowds and the struggle around them. So I don’t bother and it’s not until now that I regret it, why didn’t I push myself to go for just 1/2 hour? And the truth is I just don’t now consider it a priority, my priority is just getting there and been able to enjoy it.

I finish packing and wait for Steve to finish work at 6 pm so that we can go. Just packing has knackered me out. I have to sit and rest, I’m worried, out of breath and fearful of the journey. I consider putting make up on to make myself like better but I stare at myself in the mirror and then look at my make up bag. What does make up matter, the only people there to greet me with be BFF, Rita and Karen and they will all just accept me as I am. So I don’t bother, take pain killers and we hit the road.

The side roads are always uncomfortable but the motorway is easier to travel on. Going through the town, fear sets in, I’m moving away from my home. All the things I need to get me through each day with as little pain as possible are becoming further away, my dream machine chair, my stool for showering, my bean to cup coffee machine to name just a few items but I keep telling myself to just ‘man up’ it will be okay. Steve and I enjoy the journey, just chatting away. The full moon is beautiful. We stop for Burger King, I’m such a cheap date! and then finally we arrive at the hotel. Steve pulls up outside the entrance and gets my wheel chair.

In the hotel lobby I spot James first and call to him. He rushes over excited that I’ve arrived. I’m so pleased to see him face to face so that I can thank him for organising everything for me, we hug and I’m suddenly aware of others around me coming to say hello. Dave West, Brian Sloanne, Elaine Egan to name but a few of the senior faces of the BHS family and then HRH herself appears. Oh wow I didn’t expect to see them all. Hellos said Steve pushes me to reception, I spot Mr Muscles and then Rita, just a hug from Rita sets me off. I’m sobbing into her shoulder crying ‘I made it I made it’ as suddenly just the thankfulness of arriving being there overwhelms me. BFF arrives and Karen too. I try to pull myself together as Mr Muscles is still there and the tears just keep rolling. I look awful anyway so the tears really won’t help but I don’t care, I made it. Steve checks us in and I with Rita head to the bar. More familiar faces appear to give me a hug and say hello. Karen is a member of my team from Kingston and she has also throughout my journey at least twice a week sent me a message of love. She is attending conference as she has been nominated for the ‘Star of the Year’ award. Like all the other ‘star’ nominations that will be there at conference they all want to win it. I want Karen to win it but when Karen and I talk about the award she says that she is just content with being there to see me, to be with me again and to represent the BHS KIngston team, this makes me cry again. Whilst I’m being spoilt rotten poor Steve and BFF unload the car and carry everything to our room. They then join us and Rita gets Steve a Guinness.

HRH appears again and we are talking about the abseil in October, how I don’t think I will be able to do it and you will never guess what! HRH offered to take my place, can you believe that? I check that she is sure she wants to but yes she is adamant that she will do it for me. Wow just amazing, I can’t believe this, that she would do this for me. Then I spot Mr Bottom, I call out hello and he comes over. His hello isn’t gushing and I tell him so, well he is from Manchester and it’s grim up north so they don’t do massive displays of emotion lol, that or he is just too sober haha.

Through the evening we have a lovely time chatting away, causing havoc with mannequin displays and all too soon we have to head off to bed. Now this is where my private nightmare and worries are. I don’t sleep, I can’t lie flat on a bed, Steve needs his sleep, I don’t want to keep him awake but Steve has a brilliant idea. We lay all the pillows in a line for extra support to my back. I try it out and it’s not too bad plus the plan is to also take oral morphine to ensure I can sleep through the pain. We have coffee, tea and biscuits, instant coffee yuk and only four sachets, well that clearly wont last. Then Steve is knackered and goes to sleep.

I remain up to play my favourite game ‘wack a comment’ now it’s about 1 am and I’m very late replying to comments and to thank my Facebook friends for sharing my blog. I hope that I don’t wake anyone up doing this but to not thank people, read the daily comments and reply to them is alien to me, it’s become an enjoyable part of my day. All done, it’s 2.30 am, I take my oral morphine and I sleep 🙂

5.30 am and the pain wakes me up but wow 3 hours sleep, that’s good for me. Coffee, Fag, 1/2 a biscuit no animals to feed 🙁 so I log online to do today’s post whilst I can.

So here are some photo’s of the evening, I even got my wig out, Karen wore it and looked amazing in it. I didn’t get to go in the swimming pool but the plan is to do it this evening with Karen and Rita to help and watch, BFF has agreed to swim with me but she doesn’t look that excited about it whenever it’s mentioned, lol

It’s now 6.45, I’ve drunk all the coffee in the room and I’m hoping Steve will wake up as I need coffee and we have all agreed to meet up for breakfast at 8 am.