So my weekend due to feeling a little better was to be a relaxing Saturday morning followed by a visit from Chris, Steve’s son, my stepson and his girlfriend Bethan. A meal out to Pizza Express was decided upon as it’s Steve’s favourite and then home. Followed by a quite Sunday with a roast lunch. It almost went to plan.
I received a retweet from Charley Boorman at 11.50 am on Saturday morning, I was super excited and so pleased that he had supported me. I met him in 2008 when he planned the start of his ‘By Any Means’ programme by inviting any local bikers to join him starting from the services at Bicester on the M40 into London finishing at the Ace Cafe. Steve and I were massive fans of the ‘Long Way Round’ and the ‘Long Way Down’ documentaries that he had done with Evan McGregor and they had inspired our many motorbike tours across Europe and beyond. We had also been to see him give live talks about his travels at Chesham. Here are some photos of that very cold day. It was great fun bringing the M40 to a stand still and of course Richard came too as he was also into bikes.
So Chris arrived and we spent a pleasant hour or so in the garden catching up with life and getting to know Bethan, with Steve asking every 10 minutes if we could go as he was getting hungry. At Pizza Express we enjoyed a lovely family meal which I could thankfully taste. I even had pudding too with ice cream and I was okay, no numb face. I also had to take my chemo tablets with me as you have to take them within 1/2 hour of eating. Once I’d taken them I need to get home due to side effects. Whilst Steve pays and we get ready to leave my fingers have gone a funny blue colour and when I compare them to Rebecca’s hands I look dead. I said to Steve as I showed him the colour of my hands “have I died and no ones told me?” At home they all go into the front room to play Mariokart as Bethan is apparently good at it but she hasn’t played against Rebecca yet haha. I’m in the kitchen playing my favourite game before curfew of ‘wack a comment’ regretting the meal but I had enjoyed myself and whilst walking is still hard I hadn’t been out of the house for 8 days so it was worth it. Bethan and Chris had to leave as it’s a long drive from the Midlands and so goodbyes were said to all.
I join Steve in the front room with my two hot water bottles to help with the pain and start to enjoy the first episode of ‘The Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin.’ Steve loved this but I’d never watched it before. It was about 10.30 when again that was it, I fell asleep and woke up at 3 am. Oh no I’d overdone it again and missed precious curfew time. Everyone was asleep and I was alone again. I decided that as I normally I am up at 5.30 am anyway that I would stay awake and maybe sleep again around 6 am. I’m on my computer and wondered if any famous people had suffered from bowel cancer too. I was surprised to learn that The Queen Mother, Harold Wilson, Robin Gibb and Ronald Regan all had bowel cancer.
I was then thinking of who else famous and still alive was suffering from cancer that maybe willing to help following my success with Charley Boorman on twitter. I had Peter Andre at the top of my list, not because he has cancer but because Rebecca and I love him and watch everything he does on telly. I was happy that he got married and was finally happy with Emily but I was sad when the programme came to an end. I was so sad for him and his family when they lost Andrew, his brother during the making of the programme. He had seen the pain of cancer and experienced grief of losing a sibling as I had. So I used the photo I had of him and the kids and at around 4 am I tweeted him. I also tweeted Sharon Osbourne too. I loved Black Sabbath and Ozzy. Paranoid is my favourite and I played it to death when I was young, back in the day when a record was a record.
I stopped tweeting there as I thought these people will be too busy to look at my video and help me and the charity. My stomach was not happy, toilet time and so as it was getting light I set up bed in the chemo gazebo. Linda’s hot water bottles to ease the pain, chemo tablets and toast taken I rest and drift in and out of sleep. I’m worried about my body, my insides seem to be getting worse, the pain, I’m not able to stand up straight, the runs and I can’t decide if it’s the chemo or cancer that’s making me feel like this. I’m taking painkillers now throughout the day. I feel like I’m back to the discomfort pre and post op. I had to ask Steve to help me in the shower again as I can’t stand for long. I’m always just so tired and weak.
At 8.10 am I get an email, I could believe my eyes it’s from Peter Andre who retweeted my tweet. OMG I’m all alone, everyone is asleep and I’m holding my phone in disbelief. I texted BBF, Emma, Nicky but they were all asleep and couldn’t help me. I had been speaking to Rita as normal as behind the scenes she sends me messages every morning and every night to keep me going with her love and support but she is shockingly bad with anything technical. But at least she was awake, we exchange frantic OMG OMG messages and Jo was also sending me messages so they both shared the moment with me but sadly neither could help me with what I need to do. There isn’t a like button on twitter and I’m lost without my hubby.
Then it started – my phone pings every 30 seconds on average with all of Peter Andre’s fans all 3.38 million are tweeting, retweeting and favouriting Peter’s tweet. I feel a right twat not knowing what to do. Finally Steve wakes up, “help” I say “I can’t cope and I don’t know what to do?’ Steve needs coffee first and is pleased that Peter has supported me. I can’t wait for the kids to wake up as I think this is awesome. So I’m in pain trying to cope with that and my phone is going mad, it’s all so exciting. More pain killers needed I think.
By midday I can’t cope anymore and Steve and I take Molly out for a walk to get away from the excitement. Just to be alone for an hour, just to be quite. I am walking a little better due to painkillers. Steve is not happy today. I think he loves the Charley Boorman and Peter Andre stuff, the raising awareness and money, the joy in me and the kids at the fun of the moment. But he is sad, he is angry and he is at breaking point. He gets upset on our walk as whilst all this is fabulous it’s not fixing me, the dreaded meeting on Friday is looming. He like Rebecca are the only ones who see me every day, the pain and torment my body goes through. They know I hide it from others but I can’t from them. None of the excitement of the tweeting is going to take my cancer away and he knows it. He is also sad that whilst everyone is watching, laughing and enjoying the fun of the video they are not giving their £1’s to the charity and this also makes him angry. This also does make me sad as that’s why I did it. I did it to help the charity, raise awareness of cancer and to make people smile. With over 3000 views of the video apart from our friends and family there have been little £1 donations. I must thank Adrian Savage a friend of Steve’s for his donation, Brian Parsons, Rena and Rita’s sister for theirs, thank you.
We return from our walk and Steve hits the painkillers now. I am relaxing after our walk in the chemo gazebo, Richard joins me, I talk to him about the twitter success but the sadness of the lack of donations when ping my email goes off again. I quickly check it and someone has donated, I check the donation page and I have received a lovely message that says….
” Don’t know you but think you’re great!! Wish my mums attitude to her cancer was more like yours. But your video & blog have inspired me to help her realise that she can be!! “
Nikki P you made my day, thank you so much and then ping another email and another donation the message said
A very good friend if ours has just been diagnosed so this is for him with our love.
Lindsey whoever you are again thank you. Both have given more than the suggested £1 and that’s so lovely but for me it’s the message and the thought that counts. I’m now happier as I think for some people out there they get the seriousness of what this video was all about and it’s not just a good old laugh at my naked bum, rant over.
Steve has popped out to get my Birthday present so I’m excited and I hope he will return less stressed however I don’t think a trip to Argos in Slough is going to do it, do you? I really do appreciate everyone who supports me and all of you who have donated, thank you so much for the shares and the likes (Michelle Hicks, you don’t have to share it every 1/2 hour bless you) but if you do share it please mention the fund raising or the awareness to bowel cancer as that’s what this is about, thank you all so much.
I’m going to leave you there as Peter’s fans are calling again “oh my days’ Amiee! Oh I have offered my lovely Emma a job as my PA but I’m still waiting for her to name her salary demands. Oh and I know Rita is at 6 pm mass so thanks again Rita, my angel as I know you will be praying for me and my demands list from yesterday for my loved ones, they really need some loving and peace.