It’s my turn to share on the ‘world wide web’ my experience with a loved one with cancer.
You always think as a child, ‘my mother is the strongest person I know,’ the one who’s been there to look after you, clean up after you and love you no matter what. Someone you think, that person can never get a life changing illness because it wouldn’t be fair.
That is exactly what my mum is: this woman I love dearly and is my best friend.
So 2014 came to an end the new year beginning, I was excited with different things I would do what I would plan with family and friends. January came about and everything was great and just normal.
Then the pains started, I remember mum not going into work because she was just not feeling well and now for my mum to be ill was a strange thing she normally just gets up and deals with a little pain or cold (which she hardly gets!)
This pain wasn’t going away no matter how many weeks went by, what was happening to my poor mum? So many questions but life had to go on, hopefully it was just something doctors could work their magic and my mum would be back at work or causing me more embarrassment!
Sadly it just went on, Steve then decided enough was enough and he made mum finally go to the doctors. Tests done, trips to doctors – it went on and on into a long cycle of just waiting..and more waiting. I was hot water bottle monitor as mum needed a water bottle to take the pain away.
Seeing my mum in pain is a horrible thing, what can I do to make things just a bit easier for her and everyone else? Cleaning? Cooking? Filling the water bottle that was her only source of pain relief!?
I remember my 22nd birthday came about and my mum had brought me 2 tickets to the Lion King Musical, I was so happy! I had been wanting to see it for ages, still being the amazing mother she is and thinking what I had wanted for so long and had given it to me! I went with my lovely Nan and I had a great day, but on my mind was my mum she couldn’t celebrate my birthday fully as she had to go in to the hospital for more tests and answers.
What was wrong with her?
The night came when my Auntie Nicky had come over to stay the night to visit us and see how mum was doing. Watching ‘Beaches’ with them seems to be a tradition, an amazing film a good tear jerker! We laughed and it was the first time in a long time I had seen my mum genuinely happy. I remember thanking Auntie Nicky that night.
The phone rang, it was her doctor. I remember hearing “you may need someone to come with you when we give you the results we can’t tell you results over the phone.” The evening came to a stand still…what the hell was going on! Everyone was confusing thinking the worse, questioning the doctor. I sat there in the chair not understanding things, was it maybe cancer? What was going on!! Someone fix my mum please!!
The next day mum went with Steve to the doctor. I stayed at home with Auntie Nicky for their return. It felt like hours until they finally came back, mum came in saying “hello Molly” like she always does, Nicky got up and went over to mum, now I wanted to know what it was but I felt so nervous in what the news would be but I remember from the corner of my eye my mum nodded her head. That’s it…
I went upstairs stared into the mirror and burst into tears before hearing the answer walking up and down in my room. I hear my name from downstairs I try to keep the evidence of crying from everyone and go down. My mum needs some medications so I go into town to collect them. I need to get away I can’t come to terms it’s that horrid illness. I meet up with Josh (my boyfriend) and just end up crying in his arms screaming thinking it can’t be, he does his best to comfort me thank you Josh.
I finally get home and mum sat me down and explained that it was cancer.
Anger, sadness, worry everything you could possibly not want to feel all at once is something I find myself experiencing everyday as this process has gone on. How dare this illness make my mum feel this way? She doesn’t deserve this!
She has the operation to remove the cancer, finally its going away! This nightmare is going to end now yes? Seeing my mum in hospital is horrible, she’s in pain but part of me thought ‘yes its over!’
Sadly that’s not the case, she is now Stage 4.
Everyday I think am I doing enough? What can I do to make this pain go away for everyone?
My poor nan, brother, Steve who all are watching my mum go through pain each day is a hard thing to deal with. The only normality I get is going to work and catching up with friends but at the back of my mind I am constantly thinking ‘how is she today?’
You try to do things away like watching a funny film or play a game, something to take your mind of it. Nothing works, you just want this horrid cancer (Harry we call it) to go away and sadly it can’t until the chemo has done its job.
I buy flowers, a laptop tray, gloves for my mum anything to help with daily tasks. Seeing my mum go through chemo is hard, she’s a different person, tired, crying (which I’ve hardly seen her do throughout my life.)
The one thing I love the most about my mum is when she smiles and gives me a cuddle, telling me things will be ok because that’s who she is, a mother. She doesn’t want to see all of us sad, not coping because she wants us to be strong and go on as normal.
With the support she has had from doing her blogs it has made her feel happy that it can help people and I am so proud of her. I am proud of Steve for putting his feelings down on the blog too. I felt I should do the same. So that people can see that they aren’t alone when seeing someone they love go through this situation. I am very proud of my nan for helping us whether its cleaning or walking the dog just being there gives me time to just relax myself.
People never know what the future holds. But I know one thing, Harry is going down with a fight and by god he will be stopped.
Sorry for the ramble as I didn’t know how to exactly share my point of view and I know its very long I do apologise, but just know that you are never alone in this big wide world.
My mum is broken, but by god we will fix her!
I love you Mum.
I love you Steve.
I love you Nan.
I love you Richard.
And I love the people that have supporting everyone of us, and those who read these blogs.
Thank you for reading.