So you may have guessed that the majority of yesterday’s post was written prior to the appointment. This was so that if it was a difficult meeting I could, as promised just give you the general outcome and details and then fill you in with more details today.
Whilst waiting to go into see Dr Weaver we saw uniformed officers leading away a handcuffed inmate out of the department. An odd thing to see but prisoners I guess get cancer too and have to be treated. During the meeting as I signed the consent form for the new treatment (you have to do this in case they kill you) I used Dr Weaver’s pen. As I signed away I dropped his pen on the floor which caused him to laugh as I said ‘sorry but at least it isn’t a Mont Blanc pen’ but of course it was a Mont Blanc pen as he charges £240 for 40 minutes of his time privately, so why was I not surprised.
We had to wait half an hour for the drugs at the pharmacy and then got stuck in the car park as the car in front of us was having a problem getting out. I sent texts home to say we were on our way as I knew they would be anxious. Finally home and everyone together I gave them the basic details of the meeting. Mom was pleased that it was still not in my vital organs, Rebecca was struggling to understand the details and Richard after about 20 minutes was just angry. This prompted us to have an argument which I won’t go into but it’s just that anger plays such a big part of people’s emotions. Anger, frustration and just the feeling of being completely helpless. After I had cried after the argument with Richard, he said are you putting that in your blog, to which I said no but it needs to be mentioned as this is about helping others and it being real ‘warts and all’ so no details but I’m not perfect, my family aren’t perfect and life isn’t perfect so I decided it had to go in today’s post. Anyway Richard doesn’t read my blog so he will never know.
After final packing was complete for our holiday Steve and I decide to sleep in the chemo gazebo again under the stars, why? Cos we can, cos life is too short, cos it’s special and it’s not a normal day is it? I’ve been really good and taken painkillers but the pain is so hard to bear as I get into our bed under the stars. I nearly reach for the morphine but with a hot water bottle I manage to cope and sleep until 4.30, I go back to sleep for an hour and wake at 5.30. Normal routine of 1/2 biscuit, coffee and a fag. I’m excited that we are going away and I just have to wait for everyone to wake up. I read the side effects of the new treatment I am going to be put on. So apart from fatigue, hair loss and diarrhea the other side effects of chemo throat, extreme reaction to cold, lock jaw, no taste and tingling of fingers and feet etc are not mentioned so I’m hoping it will be easier. On the hair loss front it states only head hair will be lost so I won’t even get a break from shaving other lady areas!
Everyone wakes and we eventually load up all 3 cars and head off to our 5 day break. The M4 wasn’t too bad and we stopped for a quick coffee. I needed the break as although I had again taken painkillers before we set off the pain is always there. I know that it won’t be long before I have to take stronger ones but with those you can’t drive and there is no way I am missing these next 5 days. We hit the M5 and it’s like being on the M25 and we crawl slowly towards junction 24 where home will be for the next 5 days.
We finally arrive and the house is amazing, it overlooks a lake, it’s a new build, very posh as the interior is like a show home. It has 3 loo’s and it’s just perfect. The main bedroom has a Juliette balcony which won’t open and after about an hour, a ladder and drilling the lock out we even get this working 🙂 now it’s perfect.
So how am I feeling I hear you saying. I am frustrated that I have taken and put up with 4 cycles of chemo which hasn’t worked at all. I am worried that I’m going onto another treatment which will mean I may lose my hair and that if that doesn’t work I will have lost my hair for nothing, that will make me angry. I don’t have any choice, I have no control over this shit so I just have to get on with it. I’m worried that the 18 -24 months clock started ticking from February and so this time next year what will life be like I wonder? Time has become very precious and I worry for my loved ones, my kids, mom and Steve. I worry about coping with new treatment which involves carrying around a bag of chemicals around with me for 2 days. But today I am okay, I can taste things and I’m sat writing my blog whilst Richard and Steve listen to Rock & Roll football as Villa are playing. My view is of a lake, swans and ducks glide past, the birds are singing and Molly is happy so it’s a good day. After the football the plan is to hit the beach so I’ll sign off for now and catch you all tomorrow.
Book update, iBooks rejected it but errors corrected and it should be available soon. I’ll post when it’s ready for you to download. The Dropbox used so that you could download the box from the blog was temporarily suspended due to usage demand but the block has been lifted so that should work again now. The video has had over 4000 views between Facebook and YouTube and twice this week the blog has had over 1000 views in a day which is something I never thought I’d achieve so the message is getting out there and if we can prevent one other family from going through this shit then we have won hey.
Thanks for all your support, for caring and your messages. You are a constant source of strength for me and my family.
Nearly forgot, prayer demands for tomorrow for Rita are Karen, Frankie. For my loved ones again to give them love and strength to cope, for all families coping with any form of illness and for the medical teams that have to support people during their illnesses, cheers Rita
The place looks fantastic hope you enjoy xxx
it’s lovely but the internet is shocking, no signal all got buffer faces here lol xx
Enjoy your family break wend xxxxx
thanks mate xx
big hug Wendy,i cried for 3 weeks when i lost my hair due to chemo so i know exactly how you feel.xx
I know I’m dreading it 🙁 but if it works it will be worth it but if it doesn’t I’ll be pissed off xx
Thinking of you all. Have a fantastic holiday, you all certainly deserve it, it looks amazing xxxxxx
you too, enjoy the cruise xx
Sit back and take it all in, it looks lovely and sounds peaceful, just what you all need, go around the lake and have a good scream as loud as you can, try and relieve some stress and anxiety, you are right you will take everything they throw at you, thinking of you all as always, love you all stacks, xxxxxxxxx
thanks Tammy and sorry for the late reply the internet here is awful. I’ll go and scream at the ducks tomorrow xx
Well me little darlin, you’ve all arrived safe & sound xxx
Now get yourselves all settled in,and comfy. 🙂
I’ve had my little Quinn today running me ragged lol
She certainly keeps me on my toes that’s for sure <3
I know it is so hard on you all and Richard having an argument and being angry is really good because it releases all that pent up emotion, absolutely nothing wrong with that!!!! It's quite healthy actually x so it's a positive x
It's all about you & your lovely family for the next 5 days so hopefully lovely meals & a good beer to end the evening <3
A night under the stars is wonderful xxxx because you can <3
The house looks lovely and loved the Fix it job lol, Enjoy x
I'm waiting patiently to get my EBook but no rush <3 when its ready is good enough for me. I think your wee arse must be famous lol only you Trendy Wendy only you tee hee xxx
Have a wonderful first evening in your holiday luxury home xxx
Love and Hugs to you all xxx Always xxx
I’ll let you know when it’s ready on iBooks, they say one working day but it’s the weekend now so I think it will be Monday now 🙁 xx
Wend it looks amazing. Can’t wait for tomorrow. Are you sure there are enough bedrooms for us all. Lol!!! Give everyone our love tonight as I can do it myself tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you all and picking those all important and precious daisies!!!!!!! Xxx
Hi all the place looks great , have a smashing time,
You all deserve it, hope the sun shines on you all.
Thinking of you all xxxx
Thanks Nanny Jan xxx
Wend it looks amazing. Really looking forward to tomorrow. When we can pick those all important and precious daisies. Love to everyone for tonight as tomorrow I can give them my love in person. Soooo excited. Lol. Xxxx
Wen. It looks amazing. Can’t wait for tomorrow after Beth’s night out on the town for her birthday. I’ve warned her not to have too many shots tonight Aunty Wendy as we don’t want her feeling rough tomorrow do we. Lol! Give everyone my love !!! Can’t wait to pick those all important and precious daisies. Sooo excited. Ps this is the third time I’ve tried to post a comment so you could end up with more than 1 tonight. Xxxxx
Hope you all enjoy the break lots of love xxxx
thanks and enjoy the cruise xx
Wen it looks amazing. Just what the doctor ordered. Lol! Really looking forward to tomorrow when we can join you after Beth’s night out for her birthday. I have warned her not to have too many shots as we don’t want her feeling rough tomorrow do we Aunty Wendy. Give everyone our love for tonight as tomorrow we can do it in person. Soooo excited now!!!! Xxxx
Wen it looks amazing. Really looking forward to tomorrow when we can join you after Beth’s night out for her birthday although I have warned her not to have too many shots as she doesn’t want to feel rough tomorrow does she Aunty Wendy. Love to everyone for tonight as tomorrow I can give it in person. Soooo excited now. Xxxx
Wen it looks fantastic. Really looking forward to joining you tomorrow after Beth has had a night out with her mates for her birthday. Although I have told her not to have too many shots as she doesn’t want to feel rough tomorrow does she Aunty Wendy. Can’t wait to pick some all important and precious daisies. Soooo excited now. Xxxx
Hi wend. Looks amazing. Really looking forward to seeing you all tomorrow after Beth has had her night out for her birthday although I have told her not to have too many shots as she doesn’t want to feel rough tomorrow does she Aunty Wendy. Lol. Can’t wait to pick some all important and precious daisies with you all over the next few days. Soooo excited now!!! Xxxx
Oops
PS
I’m on it 🙂
Mass for tomorrow a given,
candles & prayers on route for
Wendy x
Wendy Family x
Karen x
Frankie x
All those suffering with diseases
Medical teams x
Love & hugs xxx
you angel xx
Hi wen. Cottage looks fab. Can’t wait to pick precious daisies for the next few days with you all!!!! X
Wow what can I say I read your blog yesterday in the mall, not the best place but used your strength to carry on, just want to hug you so tight, nearly went to Cheesecake Factory but we were in the wrong mall lol. Sorry it’s taken me over a day to write but the words aren’t there, I think you are amazing and I wish you didn’t have to fight so hard but you still are, its just a different way. I’m sat now in a villa in Orlando looking out over a lake too as ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ plays from the movie 50 first dates trying to write down the words that make you feel loved and safe with a tiny piece of hope and I know you will be having special moments with the family you love so very much knowing they love you too and yes arguing is emotion Ian always says we argue cos we know we are loved and I think your family’s love will find a way xx Juddy Hugs xx
Have a peaceful and relaxing time on your holiday. It looks very cozy and nice :).
Hi Wendy. Looks amazing. Just waiting for Beth to come home from her night out for her birthday. Although I did tell her not to have too many shots as she doesn’t wAnt to feel rough today does she Aunty Wendy. Can’t wait to pick those precious daisies with you all. See you soon. Xxxx
Joined Rita above with prayers, so come on God: if two or more pray for the same thing You’re supposed to keep Your side of the bargain and make it come true.
Meanwhile have a lovely holiday and try to take one day at a time. I know it’s impossible but…..
Incidentally, I remember reading about one lady who decided to shave her head. It was a small thing but it gave her control of her body rather than the chemicals so you may prefer to go that route. Whatever happens, we all still love you. It’s you we love, not your hair or your broken bits
thanks for your prayers to Hilary, I’m not ready to shave it off, but hey never say never xx