It’s 5 pm and mom asks me if I have done today’s post. “I’m not doing one” is my reply as I find focusing hard, I haven’t caught up with any messages today and who wants to hear about how shit my day has been? But mom replies that people will worry so I have decided to do a short post for you.
Last night Steve and I took Molly for a walk, well I say a walk as I can’t walk so I sit on a bench and Steve throws Molly’s ball. He wants to help the charity Beating Bowel Cancer and is thinking of doing a Skydive. He also wants me to do a naked bum calendar for 2016. I stop him right there as I can do fun and jokes, I love humour and admire anyone who tries to make the best of things but I’m angry.
Andrew Dickson (pictured) was a partner at the Meanwood branch and was diagnosed with bowel cancer in October last year, aged just 31. Andrew sadly passed away in June, and as his colleagues’ fundraising page states “his commitment to Beating Bowel Cancer was infectious and the fight against this dreadful disease continues in his memory.”
Now like the local charity event I attended some months ago in memory of a man called Steve who was diagnosed in the Autumn and died the following June.
Both stories are tragic as from being diagnosed to death is only 8 months. Now if this was breast cancer there would be an outrage of sympathy and support. I’m not saying that they weren’t supported but too many young people die of bowel cancer and we don’t screen for it. I admire fund raising and I’ve done loads of it with BHS who actively support great causes but unless we educate people and start screening from 30 more families will suffer the loss of loved ones.
There is only one problem and that’s the general public. Before I was ill I like everyone else didn’t like to think about cancer, it was a dirty word. If you don’t say it then it won’t come knocking at your door. Someone dies every 4 minutes from cancer in England and it affects one in every two people so how do we educate people, save lives and prevent misery and grief?
We have been struggling to get my pain under control. We have tried Dr Williams’ advice yesterday but it didn’t work and so this afternoon we are changing to morphine. Hence me not wanting to write a post today. I’m sorry if I haven’t replied to your messages but my head is all over the place, I can’t focus on the keyboard for long and I’ve slept most of the day. Steve is determined to get me out of pain and I know he will keep trying.
So it’s all a bit shit here and until I can get pain free it’s going to be. The morphine knocks you about for the first 48 hours apparently until you get used to it, so I put my faith back in Dr Weaver and Steve and I’ll just have to put up with it until my body gets used to it. Still no contact from Macmillan!
Yesterday I posted up a poem from Sarah my sister in law. I was horrified when she texted me to say I have put it up in the wrong order, whoops so here it is again and I hope it’s correct now, sorry Sarah.
What is cancer? A poem just for Wendy.
Its more than just an illness, cancer is a thief,
Who comes in uninvited and causes untold grief.
It steals the plans that we all make, the dreams that we hold dear
And in its place it fills us all with endless hate and fear.
It needs no invitation, it does not care about
The destruction that it causes, of that I have no doubt
If love could halt its progress, it would have left at speed
And realise this it’s not the place to satisfy its greed
If love could stop it in its tracks, if love could find a cure
Then love would have restored you back to health and find you well once more
But we who feels so helpless, we who fear defeat
We who lament that this is an enemy who’s impossible to beat
Should remember cancer cannot control everything in its way
That we can still love and laugh and hope and thanks dear Rita pray
For memories last a life time and surely love endures
Long beyond an illness that as yet we cannot cure
And what comes from a barren land is beautiful to behold
How someone turns their suffering from darkness into gold
For the human spirit is amazing and to adversity finds an answer
To see beyond its own self, to see beyond the cancer
To see that reaching out to help and looking out not in
Can help others to understand and help them to begin
To share this difficult journey, to support you and your cause
To raise much more than awareness and just take time to pause
To remember those who suffer, as life is cruel at times
And to wonder at the inspiration that people in fear can find
For Wendy I know you suffer and your pain is hard to bear
The tiredness is overwhelming, it’s all seems so unfair
So these few words are written to you with love and with support
These few words to make you smile when you are feeling distraught
Your spirit is so vibrant, burning brightly in the dark
Cancer cannot dull its shine or ever supress its spark.
Cancer cannot destroy the love that you have found
Or the inspiration that you bring to those who are around
For you are more than a victim, you are an inspiration to us all
And for that you should stand proud, you should stand very tall xxxx
The memories that you hold dear can never be destroyed